Mental Health
Instagram Made Me Hate My Body
Saturday, 29 April 2017
(Yes to the free Tesco food mag, hitting me up with all the yumminess!)
Dear Instagram, please stop making me hate my body.
If there is one thing in the world I would wish for, it would to be comfortable in my own skin. For a long time now I’ve been on a journey to be the best version of myself, and it’s still a working progress.
I go throw various cycles of obsessing over the gym, and dragging myself there to sweat my metaphorical balls off. To then, well, just not going at all and lying in my bed, depressed.
See, the trouble is with lying in bed, you're not just lying in bed, but you’re endlessly scrolling through social media.
I scroll through Instagram, Twitter, back to Instagram to Youtube - and then repeat and repeat again.
The trouble is, a lot of the people I follow on Instagram are fitness accounts - who I absolutely adore. But, man they shit all over my mental health.
I feel like as platform Instagram is full of images of what young women aspire to be, which is nothing like what women look like in reality. I love when bloggers like Grace Victory or Laura Jane, show images of their natural bodies and are so comfortable in their own skin. I live for that shit. That's the level of comfortability and self love I aim to be at.
But right now I’m struggling with weight-loss and I feel like I’ve hit a plateau. Seeing these shredded women on my feed is doing nothing good for myself. It’s like I’m torturing myself.
It's not like I'm wanting to lose weight for anyone, or anything in particular. It's just that I want to be happy in my own body. It's not just about a number on the scales, but the way I feel in my clothes. It's about not being self-conscious if I have a roll that's bulging, or an arm that's not quite as toned as I'd like it to be.
My weight has always been up and down like a fricking yo-yo, and I just want some stability right now. I’m eating well, and I’ve recently decided to go vegetarian (which I shall write about in the coming weeks), but my diet isn’t bad. Generally, I eat pretty well. It’s the gym bit struggle with.
Not only do I have the whole diet/gym battle but my fricking hormones are all over the place. I’ve recently decided to come off the pill, which ad been a long time coming and my body is in the process of rebalancing. I’ve been taking starflower and evening primrose oil, to try and help the process but my body has been going craaaazy. (If anyone has any tips as to what I can do to help me feel good again - please leave me a comment!)
Instagram is a craft, and I know it's not real and I tell myself it's not real. But, somehow I continue to put myself down. I may take a break from it for a while, just to clear some headspace.
Let me know your thoughts on Instagram!
Love,
Counselling Saved Me
Friday, 28 April 2017
(Enjoy this lil' throwback of baby Soph)
I'm coming to the end of my first year at university, and I can't believe I’m saying this, but I’m finally happy.
A few months ago, I was struggling really badly with my mental health. I’ve suffered for the past year and a half (on and off) with anxiety and depression. But, I'm finally feeling, well, better.
Before heading to university, for the second time, I’d been on the NHS waiting list to receive counselling for a long, long time… 7 months in fact. My doctor had prescribed me medication to numb the physical symptoms but I needed to speak to someone. I needed to untangle the knots in my head.
We all know the NHS is stretched, as this is in no way bashing them at all but this is simply my experience. I was offered telephone counselling as a short-term solution, until I could see a therapist. This was great, except there was one small problem, phone calls incredibly triggered me. I hated them. I had a few sessions, but there's something so impersonal and troubling about telling a faceless voice that you've had suicidal thoughts.
We all know the NHS is stretched, as this is in no way bashing them at all but this is simply my experience. I was offered telephone counselling as a short-term solution, until I could see a therapist. This was great, except there was one small problem, phone calls incredibly triggered me. I hated them. I had a few sessions, but there's something so impersonal and troubling about telling a faceless voice that you've had suicidal thoughts.
When I came to university in September 2016, I declared on my UCAS form that I had suffered with mental health and I can’t thank my university enough. Because I’d declared this I was given a counselling session within a week of applying. I’m allowed 6 sessions per year, and so far I've had 5 sessions. I'm saving the last one as a backup!
I want to stress that everyone's journeys are different and if other treatments work for you, then amazing! But in my personal situation, I need a talking therapy.
I want to stress that everyone's journeys are different and if other treatments work for you, then amazing! But in my personal situation, I need a talking therapy.
So, how did counselling help me?
Counselling was vital in me sorting the broken bits in my head, and piecing those memories into a timeline and working out what triggered me to feel low, or anxious.
See, I’m a very open book when it comes to mental health but, when it comes to some of the situations I’ve had to go through I’m incredibly closed. Having an impartial person listening to my story, and reassuring me that I’m normal to be feeling the way I was, really took a huge weight off of my shoulders. I was reminded I wasn’t weak in fact, I’d just been too strong for too long.
Counselling taught me that I’m too hard on myself. In fact, I'm a perfectionist. I push myself to my breaking point, in an attempt to over-achieve and give myself some sort of acceptance. I replaced days in bed feeling depressed, with going to the gym 6 times a week and a calorie-restricted diet. These then followed with days of endlessly binging on foods that made me feel sluggish and sad.
Thing is, counselling taught me about my patterns. I’m a cyclical person. For example, in March 2016 - I was comfort eating myself to destruction after leaving university. Flash forward to March 2017, I’m more aware of what I’m eating and guess what, it was crap. Breaking this down and exploring my emotional brain with my cognitive brain was important for me. I’m able to recognise my triggers, and help try stop them.
Counselling was the best medication for me, not citalopram and whatever other drug I was prescribe. For me, my doctor prescribing medication was to cover themselves, they are essentially the middle men between accessing therapy. I completely understand their situation, but I knew deep down, medication just wasn't an answer for me.
I would encourage anyone struggling to consider taking the counselling route if they have access to it - it really saved me.
Recovery and mental health is a journey. It would be naive of me to think that I'm magically fixed, and that I will go back to my bubbly self. I know that's not the case, of course I still have bad days. But those bad days are few and far between nowadays.
I would encourage anyone struggling to consider taking the counselling route if they have access to it - it really saved me.
Recovery and mental health is a journey. It would be naive of me to think that I'm magically fixed, and that I will go back to my bubbly self. I know that's not the case, of course I still have bad days. But those bad days are few and far between nowadays.
If anyone has any questions about counselling or mental health in general, please feel free to message me or tweet me!
Thanks for reading pals!
I like being alone, but that doesn't make me lonely
Thursday, 26 January 2017
When I decided to take the plunge and head back to university, there was one thing I knew I wanted to do - and that was to live alone. Alone? Ha, why the hell would I want to do that I hear you say?
Well… I enjoy being alone.
The beauty of being able to cook your dinner in your pants, without any questions. Well, the simple luxury of being able to cook exactly what I want, when I want is great.
I guess, I've always been an introvert at heart, but an extrovert when I need to be or feel comfortable.
I recently read an article on the blessed Thought Catalogue which summed me up perfectly.
For those of you with anxiety, and that are high functioning you should give that a read. I've literally never read something that hit hit me to the core, and make me think "shit, that is me."
I can sometimes find social situations a little overwhelming, and naturally have to get myself out of it and sometimes it literally means me running away to calm myself down. Soz to a lot of my friends, because I do this way more than I should. (Love you all)
But, along with my anxiety comes spending a lot of time in my own company. I'm okay with that. In face, I love that.
My little studio flat is my little bit of heaven, where I can have my me-time and not be disturbed. So many people ask me if I get lonely, or tried to ‘advise’ me to move back into halls. But, I mean, I’m 21 years old. I’m essentially an adult and I cannot think of anything less I’d like than to be in a flat with 18 year olds, who are new to absolutely everything - no offence, but it’s just not for me.
I've already been looking at flats for next year, and for me, my personal space is my haven. I would rather spend a little bit extra money on having a nice, spacious room which I can call my own. Not just because of my anxiety, I mean, it helps me having a calm space to come home to. But, I like having 'me' time. If I want to go out and be sociable I will do, I'm not a recluse. (lol)
I've already been looking at flats for next year, and for me, my personal space is my haven. I would rather spend a little bit extra money on having a nice, spacious room which I can call my own. Not just because of my anxiety, I mean, it helps me having a calm space to come home to. But, I like having 'me' time. If I want to go out and be sociable I will do, I'm not a recluse. (lol)
(Cute lil' photo of my dreamy bed, it's soooo high that I literally fall out of it)
I guess, I've never really been a person who has enjoyed going on nights out all the time. For one, I suffer with the worst hangovers known to man, and overall I just think it's overrated. I much prefer spending my time in a nice bar, and actually being able to speak to the people I'm with.
I've seen a lot of bloggers talk about how they are teetotal, or don't really drink. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes I can happily be 80% filled with Prosecco, but it completely depends on the situation. A lot of the time for me, alcohol makes my mental health uncontrollable. Sometimes, if I've had a few too many, it's even resulted in me having severe panic attacks, and I'd rather do everything in my power to stop those from happening.
I've seen a lot of bloggers talk about how they are teetotal, or don't really drink. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes I can happily be 80% filled with Prosecco, but it completely depends on the situation. A lot of the time for me, alcohol makes my mental health uncontrollable. Sometimes, if I've had a few too many, it's even resulted in me having severe panic attacks, and I'd rather do everything in my power to stop those from happening.
I am also a grumpy old woman who loves having her own space. I don’t have to deal with any flatmate dramas, or any midnight sly texts about who has left their pans on the side for the 8th day running….
I can hoover, sleep, cook, dance naked and eat whenever I bloody want and it’s bliss.
But, just because I’m alone, that doesn't mean I’m lonely.
Thanks for reading,
Personal Growth
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
Deep, I know.
I’ve noticed a lot of people on various social media platforms, ranting about the past and particularly the past versions of people.
Now, I’m not a person who holds grudges, I find it takes far too much time and effort to hold negativity against people. I know, that people have different coping mechanisms, and ways of dealing with issues. But, grudges are just not me boo.
There’s one thing I’m currently struggling to understand one thing:
Why people don’t understand that the person I was 2 years ago, or 5 months ago is not the person I am today. I have grown, and I’m still growing.
Like everything, I have grown. I am growing and I’m going to continue to grow. My views on certain subjects is constantly changing, and I’m open to learning so much more than I was before.
I pride myself on my ability to reflect and think, actually I was wrong, and apologise and move the fuck on with my life.
The past few months have reiterated that life is fucking short, so live it, and live it happy. A massive cliche, I’m aware but it’s true.
Hatred and negativity are always going to exist, I’m not naive to think that my post is going to destroy ‘girl hate’ or even homophobia overnight. But, if this post makes one person stop and think about themselves, and their personal beliefs and growth - then I’ll pat myself on the back.
We are all growing, and we’re all entitled to grow.
Never let anyone make you feel bad about something you no longer are. Humans are cruel. But we are also soft, and gentle creatures who long to live contently.
Or at least I do.
* * * * *
I think it’s important to reflect on life, and how it shapes us as people. I have done this quite a lot over the Christmas and New Year period. Last year, I was severely depressed and this year not-so much. I’m in a better place, phsyically and mentally. I am not fixed, nor do I ever think I’ll be fixed. However, I’m learning to deal with what life throws at me a lot better. I’m unsure if that has come with maturity, or me reflecting on my personal growth.
My personal resolution for 2017 is to be more mindful of my own self-care. Last year, I spent a lot of time being so critical of myself that I forgot even how to love myself. This year, it's a priority for me. I'm going to make sure I take time out for me, and I've spoken a lot more about these in my previous post about self care if you're interested in reading. 2017 is about self-care, that is this year's mantra. Because if you can't love yourself, who will?
My personal resolution for 2017 is to be more mindful of my own self-care. Last year, I spent a lot of time being so critical of myself that I forgot even how to love myself. This year, it's a priority for me. I'm going to make sure I take time out for me, and I've spoken a lot more about these in my previous post about self care if you're interested in reading. 2017 is about self-care, that is this year's mantra. Because if you can't love yourself, who will?
In short:
Personal growth is important to reflect on.
You’re constantly changing as a person, and your experiences shape your mindset.
People need to understand that life is too short to hold grudges.
Self Care Tips
Sunday, 15 January 2017
I’m a firm believer in we all should learn about self-care. If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you would have missed my main New Year resolution - which was funnily enough to smash my own self care.
Here are a few simple tips on how to take a few minutes out of your day to give yourself some love.
A lot of us are too busy with work and life, that we sometimes simply just forget how to relax. - me included. Learning how to have the perfect work-life balance is something I'm working out, but implementing a few minutes each day to give myself some 'me' time is something I completely prioritise for my own mental health.
Eat a yummy breakfast
This is a really simple thing that I find can change my whole day. I’m an absolute sod of waking up 30 minutes before my lectures and skipping breakfast, and I can notice how it can affect me. No breakfast = limited concentration, drowsy and a little bit grumpy. Whereas if I’ve prepped a yummy breakfast the night before, it can make the world of difference. A few of my favourites are ‘overnight oats’ or gluten-free pancakes with some bananas on the side!
Have a ‘digital detox’
I’m going to put it out there, I’m addicted to my phone. The first thing I do is check my social media, and from there on out, I’m endlessly scrolling - for No. Apparent. Reason. I find one by just shutting off for one evening a week can make the world of difference, for my productivity and my mind.
Create a peaceful Spotify playlist
Having a special calming playlist is not only great for those long, self indulgent baths, but for any time you want ‘me’ time. I find my productivity soars when I have a relaxing playlist on, especially when it comes to my uni work.
Pamper yourself with your favourite face mask
I bloody love a face mask, in particular, the Bodyshop Rose Fresh Plumping Mask(*) it’s a little bit of heaven in a pot. I don’t have dehydrated skin necessarily, but when my skin is feeling tiresome from a week of day-to-day makeup, it gives me a little boost. I highly recommend this little pot of loveliness. It’s also vegan-friendly too.
Take a Yoga class
I only got into Yoga during the back end of 2016. I had a lot of misconception about Yoga, and it being super dull and boring but it was surprisingly challenging. Whenever I’ve had a stressed week, taking a 45 minute yoga class at my local gym can make a world of difference. Not just for my body, but especially my mind.
Light a candle
Are you even a 20-something if you don’t love a good candle? In the evening I love turning into duvet burrito, whilst watching Netflix with a few good candles on. My mum bought me a beautiful yankee candle for Christmas, called ‘Sun and Sand’ and it just reminds me of how much I love the summertime.
All da’ tea
You know when people tell you they don’t like tea, and you’re left questioning their existence? Yeah, that.
I am a proper tea-belly, I have been since a very young age. I used to drink tea in my baby bottles, I was obsessed. There’s something so comforting about a good ol’ cuppa. Recently I’ve been venturing from my usual Breakfast tea and tried Peppermint tea. I’ve been having a few problems with my digestive system lately, so I’ve started to drink Peppermint tea in the evening to settle my stomach.
Learn to say no when you’re overwhelmed
This is something I still struggle with, but this year I’m going to make sure I say no more often. I’m currently working 2 jobs to help me get through university, and learning to manage my time properly has been more important than ever. But I also need to make sure I don’t always a free to things that I know I can’t do, just to please others. 2017 is about me, and my self care and if I’m overwhelmed I need to hold my hands up and ask for help.
Thanks for reading pals!
Love,
(*) This post includes products/gifts that were kindly sent to me, but as ever, all the opinions are my own.
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