(Yes to the free Tesco food mag, hitting me up with all the yumminess!)
Dear Instagram, please stop making me hate my body.
If there is one thing in the world I would wish for, it would to be comfortable in my own skin. For a long time now I’ve been on a journey to be the best version of myself, and it’s still a working progress.
I go throw various cycles of obsessing over the gym, and dragging myself there to sweat my metaphorical balls off. To then, well, just not going at all and lying in my bed, depressed.
See, the trouble is with lying in bed, you're not just lying in bed, but you’re endlessly scrolling through social media.
I scroll through Instagram, Twitter, back to Instagram to Youtube - and then repeat and repeat again.
The trouble is, a lot of the people I follow on Instagram are fitness accounts - who I absolutely adore. But, man they shit all over my mental health.
I feel like as platform Instagram is full of images of what young women aspire to be, which is nothing like what women look like in reality. I love when bloggers like Grace Victory or Laura Jane, show images of their natural bodies and are so comfortable in their own skin. I live for that shit. That's the level of comfortability and self love I aim to be at.
But right now I’m struggling with weight-loss and I feel like I’ve hit a plateau. Seeing these shredded women on my feed is doing nothing good for myself. It’s like I’m torturing myself.
It's not like I'm wanting to lose weight for anyone, or anything in particular. It's just that I want to be happy in my own body. It's not just about a number on the scales, but the way I feel in my clothes. It's about not being self-conscious if I have a roll that's bulging, or an arm that's not quite as toned as I'd like it to be.
My weight has always been up and down like a fricking yo-yo, and I just want some stability right now. I’m eating well, and I’ve recently decided to go vegetarian (which I shall write about in the coming weeks), but my diet isn’t bad. Generally, I eat pretty well. It’s the gym bit struggle with.
Not only do I have the whole diet/gym battle but my fricking hormones are all over the place. I’ve recently decided to come off the pill, which ad been a long time coming and my body is in the process of rebalancing. I’ve been taking starflower and evening primrose oil, to try and help the process but my body has been going craaaazy. (If anyone has any tips as to what I can do to help me feel good again - please leave me a comment!)
Instagram is a craft, and I know it's not real and I tell myself it's not real. But, somehow I continue to put myself down. I may take a break from it for a while, just to clear some headspace.
Let me know your thoughts on Instagram!
Love,
